Dave's Delusional Diatrabes

[Dave Cruser]

Sooooooooo I’m supposed to be like, analyzing post-colonial norms in the feminist movement, and arguing whether universalism should be advocated for, or whether we need to take into account third world issues and nationality and like, partition it. OVER MY HEAD I dunno. HOWEVER, while that is due in approximately seven and a half hours at the time of this writing, it’s also boring, short (only like 400~ words or something) and involves dry reading that, lets be real, I’m not actually gonna read anyway. So, INSTEAD I’m gonna write a confessional night one of an internet game I don’t actually have any real intent on winning because....well because my priorities are a taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad skewed. Ever so slightly. Whatver it amuses me (granted that’s an incredibly low bar since, y’know, I’m playing ORGs) so that is good enough for me.

ANYWAY actatually talking about this game, I’m treating it as sort of an experiment. Not so much a “I hypothesize that voer a period of thirty days sleeping patterns will zzzzzzzzz” and more along the lines of “OOH lets see what happens when we mix chlorine and bleach that’ll be fun.” So, there’s a few principles I’m gonna try and adhere to this game:

1. If I’m choosing between a move that is smart or entertaining, always, ALWAYS go for entertaining.

2. I am going to see how long I can last pre-merge voting in the minority. I already have a self-vote planned for the first tribal (more on that later, folks) and I figure I can get people paranoid for idol splits or somethin’.

3. I’m kinda like, half-assedly aliasing.

4. Many others I’m sure I can add later.

* Elaboration on #3: Mike posted something about Spice Girls in the groupchat that pretty much immediately made me realize it was Don (Granted I’d already thought that because who the FUCK else would play as the inferior Mikey B?) and I made a response that probably made him think I am who I am. (But seriously Scary Spice how is this even in debate.) When we got to talking I was like “fuck, how do I throw him off the trail? WAIT LYING this is Survivor I can do that.”

So I’m like, oh yeah I live in England, and we had an extended conversation about English vs. American culture. I’m not sure if he thought it was a ruse and was just playing along (most likely) but boyyyyyy was I stretching my limited soccer knowledge. (Saying soccer was football and calling football gridiron was torturous btw.) I wonder if he knows who Lil’ was - the first thing she asked me was where I live, she said NJ, and I’m like “there’s like, zero ORGers in NJ. I think this is a trap!” So I told yet ANOTHER person I live in England (seriously hoping not everyone asks me where I live because seriously fuck timezones) and I had to be like “oh yeah its 5 AM and I’m in an ORG.” Not seeing myself doing a ton of late night seshes this game. Granted shouldn’t be a huge issue, since I’m probably not long for this game. *shrugs*

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OK so its the next day now - all this was typed up at like, 4 AM, but then my roommate was like “hey you’re typing is too loud” and I’m like uhhhhhh I guess I’ll go to sleep then? Such an odd complaint, we have fans running, those are louder than my keyboard, but I don’t see him turning those off. Friggen weird, but whatevs.

Anyway, I didn’t get around to typing my impressions last night, so I’ll do that now. Most of these will have little to no actual content, because I’ve talked to like, 6 people one on one.

Alexis: I don’t see this game going well for Alexis, if only because she didn’t bother to hop on Night 1 of the game. Maybe she was on a little bit before me, who knows, but as far as I can tell she was a no show soooo yeah.

Ami: She’s not even in the groupchat, and I’m not entirely sure the AIM she gave out is correct. Do not foresee this going well for her.

Danielle: She seems pretty active, but it was llate last night, so I didn’t get a chance to talk to her. Not a ton to say here.

Dave: What a fuck. First tribal council I get to, this man’s name is going on the parchment, I’ll tell ya’ what.

Dolly: Seems nice enough, could be a decent under the radar player. Right now she seems like a Natalie White esque player.

Erik: He wasn’t on last night, so I assumed he might be a no show or inactive, but he came around today and has been piping up here and there.

JFP: I didn’t get a chance to talk to him one on one, but I get a pretty cool vibe from this guy. The only other JFP I played with is one of my closest ORG friends, and I don’t see him usurping that anytime soon, but he seems like a chill, funny guy. His rep choice probably means he’s here to game, but he’s entertaining as hell - it seems like it’d be fun to side with him.

Greg: Greg is...interesting. We have a lot of “funny” people here, and he’s certainly one of them, but sometimes it feels a bit forced. I messaged him one on one, and he came off much more serioush-ish there, so he might be one of those players that thrives in the groupchat, but is eh when it comes to one on one conversations. OH MAYBE HES A SAD CLOWN. (Poignant I know. Related: Isn’t every clown a sad clown? Deep shit man.)

Lil: Active, but meh. Our one on one conversation progressed, talked about like, Survivor and Harry Potter (Note: I’ll never talk about this stuff when I meet irl English people, it is not super endearing) but it didn’t have that like, flow. Almost felt like she was going through the motions, and was just kinda boring.

Lindsey: Hahahahahaha. Implying I could have an opinion on her.

LJ: See: Malcolm.

Malcolm: Barring Warriors 2, why is that EVERY FRIGGEN MALCOLM seems either A. inactive or B. boring af. Judging from the few comments I saw of his in the groupchat, looks like he’s probably going down Route B, although Route A certainly isn’t impossible.

Mike: I went into quite a bit of detail about Mike earlier, but I know how he rolls. Mostly, anyway. Given his rep choice it's entirely possible he’s treating this about as seriously as I am. And if he’s figured me out, I could absolutely see him YOLO voting me. I’d rather not deal with the England stress, so not being on the same tribe could be nice, but if we are I’ll try and link up with him. Not bringing up alia tho, obviously - the rabbit hole leads to bad things.

Natalie: She’s on the memory wall, but a no show. WAIT SHES A GHOST THERES GHOST PLAYERS IS THAT THE TWIST THATS GOTTA BE IT GHOSTBUSTERS CARTOON WAS 90’S I KNEW IT! (...you try filling in material on an inactive.)

Penner: There’s a Penner in this game?

Scout: Sooooo she’s not on the memory wall, but she’s in the chat, so I’m gonna assume she was an alternate or something. Few comments here and there, interesting rep choice, probs gonna reserve judgement and see if she’s around more than the first few moments of the groupchat.

Sean: Really chill guy, fun to talk with, one of the more active people. Would totally be down to bro down with him.

Stephenie: ...odd. I really can’t pinpoint her, she’s active but not, teases but also misses social cues, idek.

More stuff later, groupchat has been distracting me lol.

[scoutcloudlee]

Gosh, it would be pretty awkward if I was playing and could see your confessional, eh?

[Dave Cruser]

Sept 1, 2015 23:11:13 GMT scoutcloudlee said:

Gosh, it would be pretty awkward if I was playing and could see your confessional, eh?

AH MAKES SENSE NOW

[PW Colleen]

Should have consulted the master about England, man!

[Dave Cruser]

Sept 2, 2015 8:48:21 GMT PW Colleen said:

Should have consulted the master about England, man!

...you? (Sorry no clue who you are Cool-een.)

[Dave Cruser]

Lil mentioned my random England lie to the entire tribe. WAS REALLY HOPING IT WOULDN'T GET OUT THERE. Yay more needless playing for me.

On the other side, it's causing my entire tribe to overthink the hell out of the challenge, which is just kinda funny to watch.

[PW Colleen]

You know me Dave

[Dave Cruser]

(I thought finding Alec was hard, Dave is difficult as hell, despite his presence early on. #earlybootproblems)

So, y’know how I went into this game, with the goal of basically just fucking around and amusing myself? WELL, running into a few issues doing that. NAMELY, the trainwreck that is the one and only Jonathan Penner.

“But Dave,” you inquire in a tone that betrays your assuredly immense curiosity. “Penner isn’t even on your tribe! How crazy could he be? Hell, your TRYING to play an eccentric game, surely someone taking this game completely seriously can’t be THAT much of a trainwreck.”

“Dear reader, while you’d normally be right,” I chuckle to myself. “Penner is what I would call, to put it sensitively, A COMPLETE AND UTTER LUNATIC!”

Now, why -

- my roommate just bit an apple in quite possibly the LOUDEST possible fashion. Oh, but my keyboard is too loud at night. -_- Like I have my headphones on (sick weaboo beats obvi) and I can hear the biting. Is it possible for someone to not be doing that unintentionally? It doesn’t bug me that much, but I feel the need to point out the hypocrisy while I have readers chained to this text. -

Moving on. *clears phlegm* AS I WAS SAYING, why is Penner a complete and utter loon? Because, and I shit you not, this is 100% accurate, this is the first message he sends me, when we’re five or so picks into tribes.



Like, I was gonna try and subtly be insane, but Penner’s just GOING for it. And I mean, part of me gets where he’s coming from - he mentioned that he’s only played in these games called TDI camps, which are probs lightweight PM based games where being around means a lot, and he’s 16. He’s gonna go the Frank route in his first game (if JFP - Warriors was Frank’s first game, I think it was actually his second or something my memory sucks) and just go completely insane. And I will be helping him facilitate it every step of the way.

ANYWAY, this led to a three person group chat between me, him, and Mike. (We’re each supposed to be working on getting +1’s for a later six person alliance, but we’re the core.) As our lovely host not-Cochran has seen, Penner has spilled literally EVERYTHING in that chat, and it is quite a sight to behold. He’s gone from targeting Malcolm for being a social threat (feel the need to note this is the Malcolm who chimed in with a rather random penis comment in the gamechat before disappearing to his little hidey hole no one else knows of #socialgod) then decided Malcolm/Danielle was a pair. STILL NIGHT ONE, FOLKS!

Later, when Dolly, quite conventionally, invited him to a four person alliance of said four, with the goal of targeting Taj, Penner was worried because Alexis was his #2 who he’s planning on bringing into the alliance. (I will note that Dolly did an awful pitch, making it pretty clear Penner was the last person she asked, and that she was just treating him as a number.)

I should probably mention that, during all of these Penner-isms, me and Mike have been talking. I brought Mike into the alliance with basically the pitch that “Hey Penner is insane and wants to work with us, wanna come and watch?” and that’s what we’ve been doing. We’ve given him bits and pieces of info here and there (not like there’s really all that much info to be given two days into the game) but mostly, our mission is to A. discuss how insane Penner is and how amusing it is and B. egg him on to make the dumbest moves he possibly can.

So, when Penner’s talking about this, I chime in with “Hey dude 4th ona tribe of 6 is an awful position, you can’t bank on a swap y’know” (let's ignore that it's a three tribe season, I’m sure Penner will too) and Mike joined in with me. Our goal? Make Penner force a tie, and quite possibly draw rocks round one. (Granted, the rationale that SANE people like Malcolm, Dolly, or Danielle wouldn’t drawn rocks is actually pretty reasonable.)

However, he got to talking with Malcolm (who, from the logs shown, seemed pretty reasonable, chill, and a decent game player - someone who's smart enough to go with the flow, y’know?) and is like “DOLLY IS THE MASTERMIND WE NEED TO GET HER OUT.” Malcolm agrees (who wouldn’t?) and now Penner is talking about how the two of them are running the tribe. “Me and Malcolm, we got this on lock.” Now, instead of the mind you still seemingly inactive Taj, he wants to target Dolly, who he sees as shady for starting the alliance.

Ladies and gentleman, in less than 24 hours, Penner went from irrationally targeting someone, to flipping and making them his closest friend AND irrationally targeting someone else. It is glorious in all the wrong ways, and me and Mike have made a solemn vow to keep this loon in the game at all costs. For our own entertainment, if nothing else. (Pretty sure Mike’s in the same boat of playing for amusement, not the win.)

SO, combined with his other Penner nonsense (such as kicking THE HOST out of the groupchat because....he sent screenshots earlier, which we later found out were against the rules, AND could use knowing this alliance to screw us over at a swap - ALSO HE ALREADY KNOWS ABOUT IT DUDE, HE WAS IN IT BEFORE) I legitimately cannot compete to be that level of trainwreck. So, I’ve decided to go a more subtle route. (Also I’m slowly becoming invested because the cast is legit pretty gr8 imo, don’t wanna go SUPER early)

I’m still going to play an insane game. However, I’m gonna present it with a sense of “oh yes, I voted for myself, fine weather we’re having today.” I already have two fake idols set up, and I have a bunch of ideas to fuck with the other players heads, as I’m sure a few of the posts in that other thread may have indicated - but if I go COMPLETELY OTT, especially this early, I can’t prolong the sadism. It’s a pragmatic approach, really.

As for actual gameplay, not a ton happening on that front. Chit chat “how do you do? swimmingly” yada yada yada. Me and Sean have agreed to working together, and Erik brought up the three of us as a unit, which I agreed to, brought to Sean, and he was fine with. Haven’t really taken any steps to solidify it just yet. Eliza hates Erik because he’s an idiot in the groupchat and make dumb jokes, and is pretty open about wanting him out first; I’m sure Erik isn’t a fan of Eliza because she’s hostile to him and doesn’t like his jokes. So odds are they’ll gun for each other if we lose the first challenge, barring a spectacular failure in the challenge from one of the other 4 Arsenio's.

Me and Sean both wanted Greg as a 3rd in our group, but didn’t bring it up at the time - so odds are there’ll be a four person group of me him Erik and Greg, with the possibility of a me/Erik/Sean threesome (isn’t that just a lovely mental image) as well. I also have a side deal with Lil’ to watch each other’s backs. Really the only person I have zero relationship with is Eliza, who came off kinda distant in our one on one, is realllllllllly putting herself out there for the challenge as a sorta leader (me and Greg fighting for the title aside) and being a tad bit humorless. I don’t think she wants me out, but eh, I’d push for her to go if we lose. And no matter who leaves I’m not getting blood on my hands because I’m voting for myself. ^.^ #flawlesslogic

Also, seeing the password protected board (idol, presumably) just opens the FLOODGATE for making this premerge interesting. Also splitting could help me accomplish my goal of continuously voting in the minority every vote, especially because I can’t vote for myself as much I want. (KEN YOU SPOILSPORT)

Looks like this is gonna be an entertaining game. Zero percent chance I’m winning this, or coming in intending to anyway, but I’m really looking forward to it, cast kinda reminds me of Greece (50/50 split between AWESOME people and meh/duds) and that means it should be a ton of fun for as long as I’m here. AAAAAAAND that’s all I got, Bruiser signing out folks.

[PW Colleen]

- my roommate just bit an apple in quite possibly the LOUDEST possible fashion. Oh, but my keyboard is too loud at night. -_- Like I have my headphones on (sick weaboo beats obvi) and I can hear the biting. Is it possible for someone to not be doing that unintentionally? It doesn’t bug me that much, but I feel the need to point out the hypocrisy while I have readers chained to this text. -

This triggers me. 

[Dave Cruser]

People keep bringing me into alliances. IT's kinda weird, because while I talk in the groupchatsw, I really, REALLY have not been making a ton of effort one on one. Some sure, but not a ton. Right now I'm in:

Owners of Survivor Decades: Me, Mike, Penner
Five Funnies: Me, Greg, Lil, Sean, Mike, (Pending) JFP
Unnamed: Me, Sean, Erik
Unformed But In The Works: Me, Lil, Erik

Now sure, I usually go to the effort of being in a few alliances, but I haven't really been in the drivers seat in forming any of these, except for estalbishing Me/Sean/Erik to an extent. It's fucking WEIRD. Anyway Eliza wants Erik out for being annoying and screwing up the challenge, the rest want Eliza out for being sassy and passive agressive, I'm voting for that fuck Dave, and this TC round should be fairly uneventful. 4-1-1.

[Dave Cruser]

So um, I went out with friends for the night, because I occasionally dabble in this ancient tradition called “having a social life.” I was gone for like, 7 hours or so, from 6-1, and as I was leaving it seemed to a pretty straight forward “Vote out Eliza” plan. I’d stray vote, 4-1-1, can pin that on whoever I want.

HOWEVER, after I left Kenny posted quite possibly the most obvious idol clue in Survivor history, and someone immediately grabbed that idol. Now everyone’s paranoid that Eliza has it, Erik thinks Greg has it, and the plots of a thousand people seem to be like, ramming into each other.

Erik thinks Greg has the idol, Eliza is bluffing, and we’re all lying to Eliza that the vote is on Lil, not her. (Eliza apparently thinks that’s the truth, but her not believing it and idoling is certainly a possibility.) But that we’re actually voting Eliza out, 5-1, and banking on her not playing the idol. Eliza was also apparently scrambling hard, spreading around word that Greg has the idol, and when Erik messaged me, he had seemingly bought into that. What everyone seems to think the actual vote is Lil voting Erik; Greg, Sean, Erik, and myself voting Eliza; Eliza voting whoever. 4-1-1 or 4-2. And what is ACTUALLY happening is I’m voting for myself, so it’s gonna be 3-1-1-1, or 3-2-1.

(This info is coming from the Funny Five, Greg,, Erik, and me cross-referencing all of it.)

“Now Dave,” you ask, obviously as inquisitive as you were in my first confessional, ya’ damn cat. “Not only are you on a tribe of six, there is an idol in play, and Eliza barely messages you. Isn’t it feasible that if you stubbornly stick to this “vote yourself” plan, you could end up idol’d out, depending on Eliza’s vote?” To that I say: I AM NO COWARD. IF I GO DOWN, I GO DOWN IN A BLAZE OF STUBBORN, IDIOTIC GLORY! Also it’d be a fun story to tell soo *shrugs*

Also, I think I’m gonna play one of my fake idols on someone for a laugh.

[Dave Cruser]

Erik's voting Greg now, and Sean revealed he has the idol. So long as Greg actually votes Eliza, it will either be 2-2-1-1, or if Eliza for some reason votes Lil 2-1-1-1. Regardless, Eliza seems to be leaving tonight, and I remarkably ambivalent on that proposition. (I am also gonna try and pin my vote on Greg, soooooo)

[Dave Cruser]

Me/Sean F2 confirmed. #MasterfulGraphicsSkillz

[Dave Cruser]

We lost the challenge yada yada yada Lil didn’t show and hasn’t since yada yada yada she’s probably heading home I’m sure the others are giving you the gist of what’s been going down. MOVING on to shit you probably know isn’t like, completely and utterly evident to anyone with a functioning frontal lobe, stuff I’ve been working on this round.

First of all, I’ve been hammering in the timezone difference. It probably confuses people that I’m on from like, 11:00-4:00 “my” time, but offhanded mentions about naps and being a night owl, and it seems to mostly resolve itself. One panic’d lie and this has seemingly become such an...important isn’t the right word, relevant is maybe better, facet of my game. I wonder if it makes people think I’m more dedicated to socializing then I actually am? That’s what I’ve been angling for anyway, it’s entertaining enough.

As for alliances, I have the three person group with Erik and Sean, and Five Funnies. So I’m aligned with everyone at this point, which makes this tribal kinda irritating - not only do I have to figure out who to send packing (Lil. The answer is Lil.) I need to also figure out who to individually vote, and how to play it off. Because no way in hell I’m taking the easy route and hopping on the Lil avalanche - I am bound and determined to see how far I can feasibly make it consistently voting in the majority.

I made another jokey parchment, and the idea in my head to play it off is: go to Sean (who recently told Erik about his idol, and told Erik I know as well) and be like “yo, in case Ken doesn’t want us to swap soon, we GOTTA make sure our names aren’t coming up. So, I’ll stray vote Erik, we can pin it on Greg, and keep those two at odds.” Of course, the issue with this is that it could alienate Greg...but, THAT is a risk I’m willing to take. I’m gonna see if Sean told Greg I know about the idol - if that’s not the case, then I’ll just tell Greg I’m throwing a vote at Erik in case Lil idols. If not...I’ll let future me handle it, lol.

SPEAKING of stray voting Erik in case of idols, Greg completely backed off of that bandwagon without telling anyone, making the vote 3-1-1-1. Which is fun and all, but there is less room for vote distribution and hiding from accountability there - when people started talking about their parchments in five funnies, I just said I did the Erik vote. (Which was obviously Eliza, people.) Greg seriously made things less entertaining, for all his joking. But Erik believes Greg was the Dave vote, not Eliza, which is sowing distrust between the two. This continuous minority voting will hopefully continue that. This is seemingly Erik’s first game, so it’s kinda easy pulling the wool over his eyes - Greg offhandedly mentioned he’s a host (and I half-think I might know who he is, but I didn’t push it because, y’know, I respect alias rules) so I think he’s more experienced, and might not be quite as easily deluded. Being able to get away from this with zero blame really depends on the specifics of what Sean told people.

Speaking of Sean, I like the guy pretty well, but it feels like every time I talk with him, we’re always going over the same game points. “We’re running this tribe” “we gotta keep each other safe” “yada yada yada. I need to work on talking some more like, small talk stuff - I think he trusts me a ton as it is (F2 Graphics are notoriously effective) but if I’m gonna be working with him long-term, I wanna be able to shoot the shit one on one as well and enjoy myself, as opposed to saving the funny stuff for groupchats.

Sean’s overall game is actually pretty interesting in my book. Me and him are the people not really being discussed as vote targets (as far as I know anyway) because...I’m really not sure? I don’t think either of us have done anything amazing, except not come off as shady and get invited into the right alliances. And Sean went around telling everyone he had the idol one-on-one, and seemed to be trying to play it off as a trust building thing - smart, but it came off somewhat haphazard to me.

I think Sean is deliberately doing a lot of things, and is much, much smarter than he likes to let on. When I broach talking about a vote, his initial response is always “I dunno” or some variation thereof. I think he wants me to take the initiative talking strategy, to make me feel like he’s 100% with me and will just follow what I say, and only try to subtly influence what I’m doing - crack jokes in the groupchat, seem like a loyal follower, make moves when he needs to to get to the end, win the game. It’s a smart strategy (fuck I run a similar one half the time) but it comes off kinda transparent-ish for me - so either I’m getting perceptive because I’ve played waaaaaaay too many of these games, or I’m becoming paranoid and delusional because I’ve played waaaaaaay too many of these games. I still plan on working with Sean, because I like him and as much as I overthink I’m not really trying to overplay, but I just wanted to post this theory here, for posterity, and so the PW’s can enjoy it. Well, “enjoy.”

I’ve been getting closer with Erik this round, talking game with him one on one. He has solid strategic instincts (provided this is his first actual game) but, to an extent, it seems kinda easy to influence his decisions and thought process, so long as you know the language to speak. These games are all about getting yourself on the same wavelength as other people, and once you get there you can work some magic. Or dick around. I prefer the latter tbqh.

As for Greg, he’s been getting better in one-on-ones. At least in the strategy department. I can’t get him to do small talk for the life of me, or else I’ll succumb to the torrent of one-words and generic..ness(?) in response. But he’s been better about discussing options, at least this round, which is nice - means I have a better chance to work with him moving forward, even if at the moment, I find myself seeing Erik as a better ally.

That’s about all I got - here’s hoping all goes to plan, and Lil goes 3-2, 3-1-1, or 4-1. (Depending on whether she self-votes, obviously. ALSO if she self votes will it say? That might influence how I approach some things.)

[Dave Cruser]

I'm so frustrtated right now. I had a great plan to keep voting Erik, and the stars alligned, all the right people had the right amount of information. Sean woulda been fine with the plan, but he vetoed it, because since Lil wasn't showing up, I couldn't feasibly plant a vote on Greg. MAYBE I would've gone ahead and done it without Sean's go ahead, but then Greg brought up an eight person alliance of Arsenio - Lil + Penner/Malcolm/Alexis/Mike, and went to Erik with it. So I have even LESS reason to want to sow distrust between them, and Sean knows that. Really irritated my streak has to end here, even if y'all thought it was dumb or whatever, but it's not feasible.

Wait.

Fuck.

I'm thinking long-term. GODDAMIT I GOT INVESTED.